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still just a boy

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Uhh... [Jun. 7th, 2010|05:20 pm]
still just a boy
[mood |depresseduuuuuuuuu]
[music |David Bowie - Low]

No, I didn't get into Pace. No, I don't have the slightest clue what I'm going to do now. And yes, I am pissed. Not as much as I could be, though, because I thought I did well this time. I figured this place could help me with my repression, lack of communication, and hidden emotions, but it could very well have been those things that were too noticeable in the audition.

So now I just...keep working a few days a week with Peg. And maybe get modest parts in a couple of Flock shows. Because I didn't apply to enough schools and cocked up my job search. All because I am deathly afraid of contact with other people. I always know they'll see my weaknesses, judge, reject, or abandon me. Just because I was picked on in elementary and middle school. I am such a frightened little fucking child. And I'm afraid I might stay that way forever.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: kawaii_hanako
2010-06-08 03:37 pm (UTC)
You did awesome at the audition. The problem isn't you, its the odds. You were competing with who knows how many people for what? 3 to 6 spots? Not getting a spot this year doesn't mean they don't want you, it just means that at least 3 to 6 people had better auditions than you that day. 3 to 6. INSANE odds. Not that such odds are out of reach, 'cause I really don't think they are for you, but crazy odds nonetheless.

Keep trying. If you apply again next year (and I really hope you do) you'll have a chance at showing them not only what you can do, but how much you can improve in one year. So I guess my advice would be look at the audition more as a baseline for them to measure your growth in the future, and see how much you can improve from there.
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