||[Jun. 7th, 2010|05:20 pm]
still just a boy
|||||David Bowie - Low||]|
No, I didn't get into Pace. No, I don't have the slightest clue what I'm going to do now. And yes, I am pissed. Not as much as I could be, though, because I thought I did well this time. I figured this place could help me with my repression, lack of communication, and hidden emotions, but it could very well have been those things that were too noticeable in the audition.
So now I just...keep working a few days a week with Peg. And maybe get modest parts in a couple of Flock shows. Because I didn't apply to enough schools and cocked up my job search. All because I am deathly afraid of contact with other people. I always know they'll see my weaknesses, judge, reject, or abandon me. Just because I was picked on in elementary and middle school. I am such a frightened little fucking child. And I'm afraid I might stay that way forever.